Anonymous asked: *hugs* thinking of you. family bullshit is no fun, and I've been there. keep your head up.
Thank you lovely anonymous person!
is it odd that I find comfort in the stacks at the library? Books bring me peace.
Things kind of suck in my house lately. I’ve gotten too old to be living so close to my parents. I’m too old to see and know the things that happen between them. I’m too old to blissfully ignore them. When your parents are going through ‘things’ - whatever they may be - as a child it is easier to be fooled. Now not so much. It’s getting to the point where I can’t stand being around them. You know that feeling when you get angry with someone or annoyed with someone and then from that point forward every single thing they do is like a giant pain in the ass. They chewed too loudly…kill them!
I don’t ever want to be home, but I have no where to go. It makes me kind of sad, because I know right now I don’t really like them but I desperately want to. I want to be blissfully ignorant. I want to keep them held high on this pedestal that everyone has their parents on. But I can’t. And its really screwing with me. Every day gets harder and harder, and I don’t know how to move past it.
We were never close, my parents and I. I could never really talk to them. Mostly because my dad gives me anxiety and my mom just is apathetic towards anything. I’ve learned over the course of my life how to navigate the waters that are my parents. To know that when mom says yes to something her mind will ultimately change after dad passes along the no. she does what he says. we seem like a normal, pretty cool family on the outside. I think it takes a lot to keep that impassion up. its been something the people in my family have been perfecting since before I was born. When you’re crazy you learn to hide it pretty well. But its getting to the point where I don’t even want to tell them things, because I don’t think they would care. I’m running a 5K on Saturday - and today I booked a 7 day work trip to San Diego - but I don’t even care whether they know or not. That makes me sad.
I don’t have much hope that things will improve as long as I’m living here. I need out. After the holiday I plan on getting a job that pays more so that I can move out. And right now, I don’t even really care to much about where ‘out’ will take me.
But when things get a little rocky I can always hang out at the library. For some reason it feels like home.
[also: note to future self who reads archived tumblr posts like the loser you are - you write these vaguely depressing posts as your outlet - while crossing fingers that the internet has not judged you. Perhaps you should consider counseling.]
Thanksgiving is a funny time. It is supposed to be a day for being thankful for all the things you have and instead it usually turns into a day where you waste too much food and end up hating everyone.
Tonight is the first ‘thanksgiving eve’ I haven’t gone out for since turning 21. It is kind of nice to be home relaxing with my dog, watching sappy movies on Netflix.
Tomorrow we head 3 hours upstate to my uncles where I get to spend a few days hanging out with the chickens, pigs, dogs, and cats. I’m excited to get away and relax for a few days, but being with family for extended periods of times drives me crazy. Things haven’t really been too peachy between us all lately and I really wish my sister was going to be there. I guess we will see how it goes. Hopefully nobody has a complete meltdown.
Beer will definitely be needed.
Farm pictures to come.
Freddie is everything nice you want in a guy and Cook is everything dangerous you want in a guy. Thats why you love them equally.
So I can almost kind of hold crow for more than 5 seconds! Also note my adorable dog watching from the background. And also ya’ll get to see my room!
The more I do yoga, the more I fall in love with it. I love yoga for a few reasons, and they tend to be reasons that people shy away from it.
Yoga is hard. It challenges me, and its fucking frustrating. I wasn’t flexible, hell I’m still not flexible. When I first started I couldn’t even touch my toes. But I kept going back.
Even though it’s hard, it pushes me. It teaches me patience and determination. It teaches me to face fears. Because when my teacher shows us how to get into a pose like crow she makes it quite clear that you can’t be afraid of falling over. And you fall over a lot.
But yoga also teaches me how to listen to my mind and my body. And I get so crazy excited when I get into a pose that I never in a million years thought I was capable of. It’s exhilarating.
sometimes out of nowhere something washes over me and I realize I’m not breathing and then all at once it feels like I’m suffocating and I don’t know how to make it stop.
the mind works in such sad and annoying ways.
so now I just listen to Andrew until my mind’s back on solid ground..i guess.
AT FIRST I’M LIKE:
AND THEN I’M LIKE:
This will be me all next week.
TrueRoo - The Fan-Sourced Bonnaroo Documentary
so I started a blog that is not a tumblr thing.
here’s the link: http://ohhhmyworld.blogspot.com
please don’t judge me
so..I’m currently doing that thing that I promised everyone that I wouldn’t do. I’m test-reading a book on a kindle. call me a hypocrite.
i’ll report back when I’m finished.