Happy dog day people! #nationaldogday #dogsofinstagram #beagle #beaglesofinstagram #puppylove

Coaster country. #rollercoaater #greatadventure #nitro #sixflags #vscocam

my feelings on depression….

over the past week the internet has been flooded with stories about depression. lists on how to talk about it. lists on what not to say. lists on how to recognize it. stories about who it affects. why it affects. what it does and how it does it. people get scared. people try to understand. 

there are a lot of things that people don’t understand about depression. a lot of things that i think they think they understand. but out of all this coverage and teaching the internet world is trying to do, there is really only one thing i would want people to try to grasp a little more strongly. 

depression is not a feeling. it is not sadness. sometimes depression and sadness walk hand in hand - but often times they don’t even walk down the same road. i hear people often throw the word around to describe how they are feeling…’i’m so depressed today’ they say. but thats not really how it works. that implies that it comes and goes. that is can be turned around with a smile and an ice cream cone or a happy conversation. thats not always the case. its a whole lot bigger than that. 

when times aren’t so great depression grabs a hold of your entire life and seemingly holds you hostage. This video was shared on Facebook by a coworker and i think it is a super accurate way to describe depression. 

its this shadow that always follows you around. every day. all the time. its not a feeling that comes and goes day by day. its this huge black dog that you can’t seem to ever shake. some days are really good. some days the shadow hides or stays home or is super teeny tiny and you don’t even notice it. and then with the snap of a finger the shadow can engulf you. depression is not something that you can will yourself into making go away. people too often just assume that if they give a few days or weeks you’ll be happy again.

people are trying these days to make depression seem like other illnesses - because it is an illness - so they say people are ‘fighting depression’ which can be a difficult phase for people. when you say you fight something it implies that there will eventually be an outcome. you either lose or you win. if you aren’t winning fast enough you feel guilty and you slip backwards. depression isn’t always a disease like cancer where you can beat it down until its completely gone. you can learn to cope, to be happy and manage, but you can’t be cured. not like that. 

depression is a funny thing - it affects people with blatant disregard for their circumstances. you don’t need to have had a bad day to be depressed, or a bad life. you could have the best life in the world and still be depressed. its not circumstantial. people don’t understand that.

depression doesn’t always make you sad. it makes you empty. it drains you of hope. it leaves you unable to feel excited. it makes you not care about anything. your job, your family, your friends, whether you leave your room or not. it creates this vicious cycle of you not caring about things…then to feeling anxiety about having to the things…to just deciding not to do any of the things..to feeling guilty about not doing the things….until its gets so exhausting that you don’t want to be around people because it becomes too hard sometimes to keep pretending that you enjoy the things that you no longer enjoy. 

so i guess i just want people to understand that you don’t just get depressed for a few days - its something that you have. its an illness. its something that you learn to live with and deal with and just try to have good days. its not something to be joked about or thrown around lightly. thats what i want all these articles to really be teaching. because through the tragedy of losing people in the public there is a chance to educate others. 

if you want to really understand - this writer does it really well…with comics to keep you interested. 

The Campfire

Wait - summer camp for adults! I just learned about this thing - its a festival mixed with camp. Its called The Campfire: Outdoor Adventure & Music Festival. 

So they have music - like a normal fest. Then they have activities - like you are a grown up at summer camp: like decorate your cabin contests, corn hole competition, rock climbing, laser tag, lakes, yoga. 

Why didn’t I know about this? It’s labor day weekend - but next year…friends.. this seems like an awesome weekend. 


'A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for' #saltlife #vscocam

On a boat. #sailboat #sailing #boats #saltlife #ny #vscocam

so I can buy a roundtrip flight to Denver and rent a car for 5 days for way LESS money that my damn trip to disney….which i currently have NO idea how I am going to afford. dumb decisions are making me more poor. 

I think it may be time to visit cross country (cough..sarah/jackie..cough) 

We came, we danced, we sweat… #andrewmcmahon #perfection #music #fansforlife

Football season is back! #football #drinking #fall #footballseason

Book 24 - The Best of Me: Nicholas Sparks

Why I keep reading Nicholas Sparks I cannot tell you. There is something about being able to finish a book in a day that just makes me keep going back. I also make a point to read him before his movies comes out. This one comes out in October. Sparks is my guilty pleasure. The books I love to read and love to hate at the same time.

Sparks is a great writer, he knows how to paint a picture and he knows how to write characters. But the stories he writes are painfully predictable. It’s almost as if he has a formula sitting on the wall of where ever it is he writes that he has to follow. The characters are always the same: rich/underprivileged person, kid from the ‘wrong side of the tracks’, conflicting love lives, cancer…somewhere in at least one character.

This story was no different. Amanda is the privileged girl who falls in love with the kid from the wrong side of the tracks. They part ways - she has a family, he pines over her for the rest of his life. The death of their teenage mentor brings them together for 1 weekend full of romance and lost love 25 years later. I won’t spoil the ending here - but by the time I got towards the end I already knew what was going to happen, I hate when I know what is going to happen. I also hated the way it ended.

I would suggest it if you like romance and Sparks. It is a typical Sparks novel and if you know that going into it…and you know that you enjoy..predictable typical Sparks, then you’ll enjoy it.  


PS: All his covers are the SAME: this is is cover promoing for the movie - so it has the boy and girl about to kiss. But all his book covers are faded rural country landscapes…almost ALL of them! 

Catskills at sunset. #catskills #phoeniciany #sunset #vscocam

book 22 - Into Thin Air: Jon Krakauer

absolutely captivating. love love LOVE!

there are few nonfiction books that keep me on the edge of my seat like this one did. i gauge my interest in nonfiction books (and fiction) by a few measures. how much I think about the story when i’m not reading it, how late i push myself to stay up and continue reading, how many television shows I miss, how much i want to keep learning, and how many times I held my breath. this book hit everyone of those measures. over the last week i found myself sitting at my desk imagining Jon’s world on Everest. I abandoned all television, and stayed up late into the night pushing chapter to chapter. Now that i’ve finished, i’ve been searching for as many photos as I can, watching the IMAX video that was on the mountain the same time as Jon. I’m fascinated. i spent a good deal of time holding my breath.

This book is an amazing, heart stopping, captivating account of what happened on Mt Everest during the spring of 1996. Krakauer set out on a climb with a team to document guided climbs for Outside magazine and as they reached the summit it turned into a disaster. Krakauer writes in a beautiful way and walks/writes the lines between journalist and active participant well. He did an impeccable job of describing the history of Everest, the motivations behind the fascination, the culture of the Sherpas, the technicality involved in climbing, and the health risks associated with high altitude so well that I didn’t have to know anything about climbing to understand and really get where he was coming from.

This book makes me want to buy a pair of hiking shoes and learn to climb…but has done well to caution me or rather scare the sense into me to understand how amazingly dangereous Everest is, even to the very most elite climbers of the world.

Can you fall in love and hate something at the same time? First spin class done! (We’ll see how the knee feels later) #spin #gettingit #healthyliving #whatsbeautiful

i saw jersey boys tonight:

- Every body in the theater was at least 58 years old and they were almost all on weird old people dates. 

- The old women behind me sang along to almost every song
- The old man in front of me at an apple in the middle of the movie…an APPLE!

The movie was pretty great. The voices were spot on. The music pretty perfect. 

I run because it reminds me that I’m still alive. 

The tightness in my calfs, my heart beating a million beats per second, the burn in my lungs after mile 2, the sweat that stings my eyes. All signs that my body has not yet given up on me. 

When everything seems to be going to hell and the darkness rolls in and my breath is on the edge of panic I know that I can lace up and slowly trudge through the streets to bring me back. 

Running is constant. Every time I step outside I except the burn to come or the beats to hasten, I wait for it because I know that means I’m still living. I run a little faster, I go a little further, I get a little better.